Ride Your Own Bicycle Today!

Often times clients have mentioned to me one toxic person in their life, or even several- be it a coworker, a previous romantic partner/spouse, or even a family member, or even several family members.Often times I hear "I just don't know what to do" Or, "Why did they do this or do that?" What was the purpose?

For these toxic relationships, my guides showed me a very distinctive  image: A tandem bike in the mud- you and the individual are riding the tandem bike, however the bike is stuck in mud. You as the passenger may be aware as to why the bike is in the mud or you may not. Regardless the toxic individual leading is getting most of the muck up in their face, and you're getting any of the residues that aren't hitting them. The person in front is confused, can't see, and as a result lacks general direction, and you being on the back seat, are just on for the ride. And to make things worst the faster you both pedal to get out of the mud, the deeper the bike sinks into the mud. Each of you go nowhere.stuck.

You think ok, I can go back, get a rope and pull them out, or even better  I will help them push their bike out of the mud- the solutions to help reach out and help this person zing through your mind. However the only issue that is left standing is How the hell did they end up in the mud in the first place? How come this individual steered you guys off the path the first time? Why did we even use a tandem bike?  Maybe they shouldn't be leading the way after all? So then you think, well I'll lead the bike! They can ride the back seat! Or even better we won't ride a tandem bike!
So you approach the person and say, "Hey, I'll take the lead and  I'm pretty sure I can get us another bike."

Several Things happen: 1)You lead, yet you still have to question Why this individual couldn't lead the way? Breeding an eventual distrust and questioning 2) They get their own bike but can't keep up with you so eventually they'll insist on the tandem bike.
3)You bring them a bike, yet they insist on still wanting to ride the original tandem bicycle AND lead the way. 4) They give some reason as to why the tandem bicycle makes more sense. 5) You realize no solution is going to be good enough and you're back to square one- them in the lead on a tandem bike eventually back in the mud. A never ending exhausting cycle. The mud is the person's own issues and they are the only ones who can get themselves out.

This is how my guides have portrayed to me the cycle of toxic relationships.   Eventually, when you become tired of going around and around and around literally or figurativley spinning your wheels on someone elses issues in mud going absolutely nowhere - you simply get off the bike-  You just "know"that riding this tandem bike is really shitty- the cycle is broken. Almost. 

 And I say almost because it dawned upon even in my own personal life I've spun my little hamster wheel of a mind even after getting off the tandem bicycle Actually its amazing how much mind power one uses to question with Why? What's the purpose of this person's toxic behavior? Sure, I eventually find some learning life lesson value in it, but I'm human and just want to know the heck WHY? But then you spend so much circling in your own mind Why, why, why, why, why? And you waste time not finding your own new improved bicycle.

After much discussion with friends, family, and clients and deep introspection- I realized that  we as humans desire to know the Why- and the WHY is truly translates to the intention.   
                       What was the intention behind the person and/or the actions? 

To speak my truth and speak it clearly, you probably will never really know the their true intention.  You can literally expend more energy (if only these translated into calories)  than necessary and spin your wheels wondering Why- and you get the same place you started- NOWHERE.And this occurs for several reasons 1) Most important You  will never BE them  AND ITS NOT YOUR JOB TO FIGURE IT OUT  2) Often times the toxic individuals themselves rarely know their own intentions, they have no idea how they ended up in the mud- usually due to a lack of purpose and direction. 3) Or even if they claim to know, their true intentions usually are even more deeply rooted than they realize- and they have yet to draw awareness to the root of the issue, or have yet to explore the root in order to heal.

And more importantly for myself, I couldn't expend anymore energy as to how the bicycle got stuck in the first place- I've come to understand that often times the letting go isn't just the letting go of the stuff, the individual, or the material stuff but also the the WHY OF YOUR OWN MIND. 

By releasing and letting go of our own theorizing and Why-ing- we begin to move ahead even faster. Not only are you able get off the back seat of the toxic person AND the constant questioning (the more time you spend questioning, you waste time finding your own new cool bicycle) find your own bicycle, reorient yourself back to the main strip of pavement, and forge ahead, faster, light, with more purpose and more direction. All. On. Your. Own. 

P.S.  If they catch up to you on their OWN bicycle this is a good thing as they'll have figured out how to stay out of the mud! Till then forge ahead!